For the first time since I have been in India (4 weeks now) I found myself in the car on my own with my driver with no BMD’s in tow. Suddenly I felt like Lady Penelope and Parker was doing the driving.
When I’m with the girls in the car I’m normally so distracted by the constant whining of “those people are staring at us” (don’t know when the little darlings will get the concept of we ARE the exhibits in the zoo now, get used to it) that until now I never noticed the concept of the driver. Really. Actually – (whisper) how nice it is.
Thoughts of days when I could download a podcast or two and spend my time in the car listening to my favourite shows from BBC Radio 4 to keep in touch with Blighty started popping into my head.
Until Parker decided that this would be a good time for some therapy, on me.........
It kind of went like this.
“Madam join a gym?” Parker.
“Yeah, when I’ve got the house straight, BMD#3 in nursery, got the Staff together, organised our first R & R, watch my nails dry, bla, bla, bla......” (Not anytime soon, if you get my drift)
“Madam could get a running machine and bike and some dumb bells, and do an hour in the morning and evening” What in God’s name are dumb bells?!?
He then (no kidding) starts to tell me in his heavily Tamil accented broken English what sort of stomach exercises I need to do and how he gets up at 4.30 a.m. every day and does an hour in the gym before work and how it would do me good.
“Are you telling me your Madam is fat Parker?”
“Oh no Madam, just want to get my Madam in shape”.
By now I’m rolling about the back of the car in convulsions of laughter and I couldn't resist the next line.
“Are you ashamed of your Madam, Parker?”
“No, No, Noooooooo” came the reply.
“Yes you are” teasing him.
He shut up after that. I carried on chuckling to myself for a while but then couldn't help wondering if all the drivers size up their Madams.
I’ll make sure I’ve got my IPod with me next time.
Cheeky bugger.
Thursday, August 14, 2008
Scrub a dub, dub and I'm sorry, your fired!
I have been learning how Indian houses run and why we need staff. Let me explain. On Monday I took 5 of my friends maids/houseboys plus my own to the house to basically try and scrub up a pretty dirty 9000 sq ft house ready for the shipment arriving Thursday.
They all set to work the ladies preferring to work together as a team having a good 'blether' (Scottish for chat) on the way. The two boys joined me in commando style guerrilla warfare on the kitchen. By the time we finished the kitchen gleamed. The ladies meanwhile had ripped all the netlon from all the windows on the house, dumped it in a huge pile in the hallway and done an extremely good job of mopping dust into the marble floors. Need I say more?
While all this was taking place imagine this: your electricity cutting out (the usual 'Monday power-holiday' for 2 hours!). Realizing that a) the generator was bled dry of its fuel by the previous staff, b) the generators batteries were dead and old and needed replacing. Then your electrics blowing, toilets stop working, showers don't spray water and taps don't either. Whew. So no wonder you need the staff - just handling all those switches and pumps!
After the electrician/plumber had visited me more than 4 times in two days - I realized that to keep this guy coming back I needed to sweeten him. So retainer was paid and informed that this would happen every month so long as he would turn up within 1 hour of my call. He was going to be visiting me A LOT!
So I had a crash course in housekeeping Indian style; like turning the pump on for one hour in the morning to pump the water up to the holding tank on the roof terrace. Running the generator for 10/15 mins per day so the battery won't lose its charge. Making sure generator man comes out after 250 running hours to service the thing.
The maids all hung their mops up and went home leaving me with mine.
"Mam?” my maid.
"Yes Mary", me.
"You need to pay me 30 rupees extra a day".
"Eh? We arranged your salary last week Mary and you agreed to it, I have been paying you since last Tuesday at your interview. This is your first full day at work. Why do you need more now?"
"For my taxi to work". Mary
"What's wrong with buses?” Me
"No buses, mam".
"What those big blue and green buses that stop at bus stops, that go all day up and down the road where you and I live are not buses Mary?"
Silence.
"I'll talk to Sir", I say knowing this is the best get me out of jail card. A tried and tested method of the Madam of any Indian household.
Next day she doesn't show up for work or phone. Later in the day I learn my driver had taken a call from her saying she's not well, can he pass the message on. He tells her to phone Madam herself. She does not. But seems well enough to go to her old employer’s neighbourhood and in the words of the local guards "Bad mouth her old Madam and her new Madam". So they banned her from the street.
Sir got home, phoned her and said in his best 'The Apprentice - Alan Sugar style'
"You’re fired".
In future I shall heed the words of my driver who said I should wait 2 weeks before I decide to like my new staff. I think he knew she was not right for us. Ignoring him I gushed over Mary and her good English, her claims that she was Christian. Three sets of household staff of friends knew her and knew of her lying. I shall be more cautious in future.
To be honest she did me a favour not turning up for work, it made it much easier.
I now have a maid who speaks no English but who watches, learns and just get's on with it.
End of.
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Culture shock in full swing.
Well, I have been in India for just over 3 weeks and people are asking why have I not blogged, haven't I got loads to say and show? But in a nutshell would you believe this if I told you I am stumped for words to describe India? I think I have been slightly shell-shocked by just about, well, let me see......EVERYTHING.
So here is what's been happening..............
Week 1: Drove around with our new 23 year old driver who well, shall we say,
# 1. Doesn't speak or understand much English.
# 2. Has never driven for expats before, therefore doesn't know where we need to go, where to get plugs, basic household needs. FOOD!!!
#3. Spent most of the first week abandoning outings to try and find places, he can't read maps either. One day, I swear, we drove for a 40 min detour to a ATM to get cash en route to somewhere, only to discover 10 ATM's on the road once we were back on correct route. You get the picture, right?
Week 1 &2.
Discovered that our house which we are renting was left in an awful state by the previous tenants staff who had moved their families in while the house was empty for 45 days. I had not seen the house before as Mr Maddog had found it while he was here on his own. We turned up on the first day to discover rubbish all of the grounds of the house, the stench was nauseating. Ants, roaches and other 'interesting' looking invaders all over the house. Plus some horrendous smells coming from the plumbing. The pool was black, tinged with green water. The worst bit was that most of the windows were frosted glass, upstairs and down. On first impressions it felt like a prison straight away. I promptly burst into tears. This was too tall an order to put right. Normally am very resourceful person who will just go and find the right people and put things right. But suddenly I felt completely and utterly impotent. I didn't have the first idea how to put it right or who to go to. It was such a shock. I mean I had done the move from the U.K. on my own, had handled the 3 girls since April, on my own and I was exhausted by the process. I guess I just didn't expect......this.
We promptly dismissed all the staff that had come with the house. Sat the landlord down and gave him a list of work that we wanted done before we would accept the house. (I think even he was embarrassed of how it had been left).
Then I went to ground, refused to go to the house for over a week and a half as one of the previous member of staff refused to leave. (Even though they were never in my employ!) In then end it got so bad that we had to pay them off and threaten to call the Police to evict them if they didn't leave. They finally left Wednesday this week.
If I am honest I spent the first two weeks blubbering, I don't think my bottom lip ever stopped quivering. If it had not been for some extremely kind people who rallied round by feeding us, inviting us over to swim, took us out, poured extremely large G & T's and in general distracted us while assuring us that it life here would get better I swear I would have boarded a plane back to the U.K.
But life did get better.
School started on the 4th for Baby Maddog #2. We attended an orientation day on the 2nd where we met many kind, positive and welcoming teachers and familiarized ourselves with the school layout. In addition she had been moved to a class where she already had two friends who are daughters of two good friends of mine. On her first day we were warmly welcomed by the staff of the school. The school was buzzing with parents of 750 children, my friends seeked me out thinking I would be a wreck in the corner faced with such crowds. In truth I loved it, being surrounded by expats from all over the world! I walked into the school parents cafe to find a group of french parents sipping their espressos and munching on croissants. Just hearing European languages made me feel good. Within seconds I was chatting with a french mother. For my friends back home reading this you will all know that a good strong coffee and a croissant for Baby Maddog #3 after dropping the girls off is how I always like to start the day. The chaps in the shop offered to personlise my coffee to just the right strength from now on! A good start.
But it got better still.
On day two of the new term Mr Maddog got a call from the Middle School Principle asking if we could attend a meeting with Baby Maddog #1 at 2.00 p.m. We had no idea what it was about, Were we going to get a place? Or was this an official meeting to confirm that there would be no hope for the year? We were all really nervous. Remember the last confirmed number on the waiting list in June was 4th.
So what a lovely surprise to discover that we were actually now first and a child had not turned up for school so we were in! Yay!!! I practically skipped around the school telling anyone who would listen.
Again Baby Maddog #1 was very warmly welcomed by the Principle, teachers and children from her grade. Being placed in classes with another daughter of a friend of mine helped enormously too. On her first morning she climbed the stairs to her classes with her teacher and a group of girls from her grade all eager to talk to her. I felt an enormous sense of relief at that moment.
This turned into an auspicious 24 hours as I was recommended a maid/mothers help who I interviewed and turned out to be Catholic and spoke very good English. Another yay!!! So now I have a Catholic driver and maid. Although this does mean that anyone else I take on will need to be Christian as I have been told mixed household staff do not generally work out.
Suddenly this week, life does not seem so bad. The girls are in School, I have help, my driver is slowly working out where we have to go and is showing signs that he may get the idea of what's involved in driving for expats. Plus at the moment he appears trustworthy.
So maybe I will write more often now, I do have lots of stories to share, but I think if I had written in the previous two weeks my posts would have just copious amounts of expletives!
Hey we may even move into our house this week and send for Gus!
This week I got my sense of humour back. Finally :0
Toodle pip Mrs Mad Dog
So here is what's been happening..............
Week 1: Drove around with our new 23 year old driver who well, shall we say,
# 1. Doesn't speak or understand much English.
# 2. Has never driven for expats before, therefore doesn't know where we need to go, where to get plugs, basic household needs. FOOD!!!
#3. Spent most of the first week abandoning outings to try and find places, he can't read maps either. One day, I swear, we drove for a 40 min detour to a ATM to get cash en route to somewhere, only to discover 10 ATM's on the road once we were back on correct route. You get the picture, right?
Week 1 &2.
Discovered that our house which we are renting was left in an awful state by the previous tenants staff who had moved their families in while the house was empty for 45 days. I had not seen the house before as Mr Maddog had found it while he was here on his own. We turned up on the first day to discover rubbish all of the grounds of the house, the stench was nauseating. Ants, roaches and other 'interesting' looking invaders all over the house. Plus some horrendous smells coming from the plumbing. The pool was black, tinged with green water. The worst bit was that most of the windows were frosted glass, upstairs and down. On first impressions it felt like a prison straight away. I promptly burst into tears. This was too tall an order to put right. Normally am very resourceful person who will just go and find the right people and put things right. But suddenly I felt completely and utterly impotent. I didn't have the first idea how to put it right or who to go to. It was such a shock. I mean I had done the move from the U.K. on my own, had handled the 3 girls since April, on my own and I was exhausted by the process. I guess I just didn't expect......this.
We promptly dismissed all the staff that had come with the house. Sat the landlord down and gave him a list of work that we wanted done before we would accept the house. (I think even he was embarrassed of how it had been left).
Then I went to ground, refused to go to the house for over a week and a half as one of the previous member of staff refused to leave. (Even though they were never in my employ!) In then end it got so bad that we had to pay them off and threaten to call the Police to evict them if they didn't leave. They finally left Wednesday this week.
If I am honest I spent the first two weeks blubbering, I don't think my bottom lip ever stopped quivering. If it had not been for some extremely kind people who rallied round by feeding us, inviting us over to swim, took us out, poured extremely large G & T's and in general distracted us while assuring us that it life here would get better I swear I would have boarded a plane back to the U.K.
But life did get better.
School started on the 4th for Baby Maddog #2. We attended an orientation day on the 2nd where we met many kind, positive and welcoming teachers and familiarized ourselves with the school layout. In addition she had been moved to a class where she already had two friends who are daughters of two good friends of mine. On her first day we were warmly welcomed by the staff of the school. The school was buzzing with parents of 750 children, my friends seeked me out thinking I would be a wreck in the corner faced with such crowds. In truth I loved it, being surrounded by expats from all over the world! I walked into the school parents cafe to find a group of french parents sipping their espressos and munching on croissants. Just hearing European languages made me feel good. Within seconds I was chatting with a french mother. For my friends back home reading this you will all know that a good strong coffee and a croissant for Baby Maddog #3 after dropping the girls off is how I always like to start the day. The chaps in the shop offered to personlise my coffee to just the right strength from now on! A good start.
But it got better still.
On day two of the new term Mr Maddog got a call from the Middle School Principle asking if we could attend a meeting with Baby Maddog #1 at 2.00 p.m. We had no idea what it was about, Were we going to get a place? Or was this an official meeting to confirm that there would be no hope for the year? We were all really nervous. Remember the last confirmed number on the waiting list in June was 4th.
So what a lovely surprise to discover that we were actually now first and a child had not turned up for school so we were in! Yay!!! I practically skipped around the school telling anyone who would listen.
Again Baby Maddog #1 was very warmly welcomed by the Principle, teachers and children from her grade. Being placed in classes with another daughter of a friend of mine helped enormously too. On her first morning she climbed the stairs to her classes with her teacher and a group of girls from her grade all eager to talk to her. I felt an enormous sense of relief at that moment.
This turned into an auspicious 24 hours as I was recommended a maid/mothers help who I interviewed and turned out to be Catholic and spoke very good English. Another yay!!! So now I have a Catholic driver and maid. Although this does mean that anyone else I take on will need to be Christian as I have been told mixed household staff do not generally work out.
Suddenly this week, life does not seem so bad. The girls are in School, I have help, my driver is slowly working out where we have to go and is showing signs that he may get the idea of what's involved in driving for expats. Plus at the moment he appears trustworthy.
So maybe I will write more often now, I do have lots of stories to share, but I think if I had written in the previous two weeks my posts would have just copious amounts of expletives!
Hey we may even move into our house this week and send for Gus!
This week I got my sense of humour back. Finally :0
Toodle pip Mrs Mad Dog
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